I thought this would an easy post. It’s not.
This week’s sermon resonated with me in ways that are really not open for public airing. Suffice to say, I’m currently in the wilderness. It opened up for me on Wednesday evening last week as I came home from work and Kid’s Club. Without getting into some sort of weird virtual onanism, no, Mum – it’s not cancer!
But it’s harsh. It’s ugly. It’s gonna hurt like ripping band-aids off a hairy arm. Superglued band-aids. With nails in ‘em. And little teeth. It will involve fundamental changes in my life and life-style for the next two or more decades.
Then along comes this preacher dude and tells me that I need to identify, accept, and embrace my wilderness.
Identify – check. Yep. It’s looming over my life and my wife’s life like an angry cloud. We know the squall is coming. We’re beginning to batten down the hatches – but we also know the boat ain’t waterproof. But – we’ve identified our wilderness.
Accept it – well, check for me. It just is. Can’t change it. Can’t go around it. Can just steer the ship into the heart of the beast and hope the hatch battening outdoes the ship leaking..ing.
Embrace it. For me, I’m ok. It’s a bit like embracing my dog after he’s run all through mud and water and rolled in a rotting deer carcass and eaten some random poopy-pile he’s discovered. Yeah, I know that under the filth and stench there’s something that loves me – and I love. But it’s hard not to wonder when you have poopy-breath slobbery kisses landing on your own mug.
So it’s weird. I’m not gonna die in all likelihood – although before coming to Christ, this would have pushed me strongly into suicidal depression. I’m not going to be homeless in the foreseeable future. But everything else is up for grabs. That’s terrifying – but oh so oh so OH SO freeing! I can’t tell you how freeing it is. Terrifreeing – that’s what it is.
Pray that God might terrifree you sometime soon. It’s scary but all that stuff in the sermon about heaven being shinier and Jesus being more central – I can vouch it is true and the ride really hasn’t even begun yet.
I doubt that terrifree will be my lasting contribution to the O. E. D. – but I do hope I can hang onto it as a touchstone as me, my bride, and sundry dogs transition into life 2.0.
